being uncomfortably comfortable

27Jan12

If I was in control, I mean really in control, there would be chapters of my life that I would not have lived. I just would not have let them happen. I am not going to bother spelling these chapters out, but I am certain we have all lived similar experiences: death, failure, illness and so on.

I love watching films, and I believe that films (much like books) can change the way we think, feel, and ultimately deal with life events. Films can speak to us at many levels, particularly when they provide an opportunity to learn about ourselves in more profound ways based on how we respond to different characters and scenes. But, one of things that does not sit comfortably with me is the ‘Hollywood approach‘. The idea that every story should resolve well to the benefit of the hero. While I guess this is one fantasy that I think we all must enjoy escaping to, from time to time, but it has never felt right to me. On the other hand, many folks are utterly committed to the un-resolving nature of soap operas (but that will have to be another blog post).

This desire to make fictional films about issues that do not resolve, in a way that might be helpful is something I love to do. This film in an example (go on, watch it now if you haven’t, it is only 3m30sec long).

OK, you back?

The story of this film was inspired by the many, many stories I encounter every day, stories that in some way show that if we can but reframe things a little, the struggle can also be some kind of blessing, or more realistically, an experience to learn from. Something that religion, churches and the like try to do, is tell us a Hollywood-esk story. Give your live to this and everything will be ok. I reckon this is religion just being like any other capitalist enterprise. The church/car company/uber cool tech company have product, they show how product can transform our life, we buy the myth, we go to great lengths convincing ourselves we need this thing, often going into debt. And then, we live a life trying to tell ourselves that yes, things are ok, no, not ok, but better, perfect even.

For me, church (that is a group of people I commune with) should be the very opposite of this. It should be a safe place, where there is no pressure to think that everything is ok and will be magically fixed, but a place where we can be real, open, honest, and I hope, to be uncomfortably comfortable with live.

Right, I have no idea if that makes sense, but I shall post it anyway!

peace

 

Filed under: culture, film, philosophy, photography, tensions   |  1 Comment

hello 2012

01Jan12

So, dragging myself out of the last two weeks of sickness, I thought it would be fun to think a little about what I might want to achieve in 2012. Not in a new years resolutions kinda way, but more just a things I would like to do way.

1. learn to ride a longboard (of the skate variety (any donations of lessons, advice, boards to use will be gratefully received)).

meanwhile I will keep watching stuff like this to see what tips I can pick up

2. Maybe do a 365 photo thing, like my friend Benjamin.

Actually, a 52 photo thing might be more manageable!

3. Make some more films. Perhaps the ones I thought I would do in 2011 would be a good place to start

4. Blog a little more, both here and there

5. Dust off my running shoes and get back on the road. 2011 saw me run 590KM. I would like to do more than that this year.

6. Do some other things, and when I have worked out what they might be, I might post them up here.

peace

Tobit

Filed under: film, media, missional, photography, random, running   |  Closed

I am at work today

30Nov11

I am at work today.

While I kind of get the reason behind a day of action, I do struggle with it in a much wider context.

So to those who are standing up for themselves, all credit to you.

I am just grateful that neither I nor my children are forced to work for less than a $1 a day, providing cheap goods, clothing, or whatever for the western world.

In 2011, it is reported that the average net household income (after tax) in the UK stood at £38,547.00. That is a lot.

I am grateful I live in a country where life expectancy is around 80 years of age, unlike some countries where I would be lucky to live past 45.

This morning as I listen to the radio and made a cup of tea, I rejoiced that I didn’t to walk 3 miles for a jerry can of dirty brown water, that I don’t live in fear of my children being sold as sex slaves or becoming child soliders. I could go on, but basically, what I am saying is I think I have it pretty good.

So, what if I do have to work a few more years, for a little less pension; the things I have in life, and take for granted, need to be paid* for some how.

All I ask, is that whatever choice you make, today and everyday, in a quest for justice, that you make sure those who need it most are not neglected.

grace and peace

 

*I accept that the banks have a lot to answer for and this really should be addressed.

Filed under: culture, random, tensions   |  2 Comments

all is quiet

03Nov11

but not necessarily calm.

my blogging is, at the best of times, sporadic.

Life has been very busy, but I am alive.

Alive and loving it, but so, so busy.

But the good news is, if you like what I write that is, there are some posts a-brewing.

peace

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parkology

27Aug11

A while back now, as we exited a season of Lent, I blogged some reflections of a community lent walk in our local park. In that post, I used the term ‘park theology’ and now, in an exciting, post-reductionist move, we have coined the term ‘parkology’!

We will be blogging here, hopefully as a collective, sketching and shaping our journey, so please stop by and travel with us as our community* develops.

Exciting times indeed.

Peace

Tobit

* community = something like a new-monastic, small missional community, but heck, even that might change!

Filed under: church, culture, missional   |  1 Comment

it just is

11Jul11

If you have children, you might recognise what I am going to describe. You get jolted out of the serenity of whatever it was you were doing to the sound of screaming. Proper, raw, screams of anguish, pain. As you leap to your feet and rush to the sounds you find a child lying there in pain, lashing out, screaming.

And you know, you can’t pick them up, so you crouch down and fold your arms around them, absorbing their kicking and screaming. And you don’t try to tell them it will be ok, because to do so would be insulting.

You just hold them, you just speak love. You feel their pain.

Sometimes, this happens, only its not a child at the centre of the story.

Sometimes, things happen and we fall to the ground, crumpled in pain, anger boiling, confusion, rage, turmoil.

When one part of the body hurts, we all hurt, when one bit is broken, the whole body is broken.

When one part screams with pain, confusion, hurt, suffering and hopelessness

we feel it

and to try to diminish what is happen with ‘helpful’ words; with ‘it will be okay’ would be like dragging that bleeding wounded friend through gravel. All we can do is crouch down, and be present. Think of Jesus dying that slow, painful death. Would you have said ‘it will be okay’? Of course not (although in hindsight we might see things differently, but that still did not make it OK). All we can do is cry out as we see this broken world.

When all we can do is scream (sometimes silent) rage, when we feel so broken, when we lash out, trying to make sense, when we feel so utterly broken, we don’t need a God (or his representatives) telling us it will be okay, we need a God who is prepared to crouch down beside us, who can hold our arms, our legs, who can absorb our pounding fists, our sobbing hearts and who can say to us ‘I know this makes no sense, it just is, it is so painful but I am here and I feel it too’

.

.

NB: I just want to say that this post has come from my heart and is a response to the stuff swimming around in my head as I ran this evening. Please do not construct my use of words such as ‘hitting’ ‘lashing out’ as an endorsement of any kind of physical violence. Violence never has been and never will be acceptable, I use the terms purely in a metaphorical sense.

Filed under: faith, philosophy, tensions   |  1 Comment

Social Movement

29Jun11

I have come back from an interesting day in Bristol. It was run by something called the HIEC, (that being an Health Innovation Education Cluster) and was titled “Further, Faster, Together”.

Let me qualify interesting. At one point in one of the workshops* I was in, a person claimed, that:

“if you went out and asked 100 people if they wanted help, support (even from a family member) at a time of need, they would all say no. People just want to be left alone and want to do things themselves”

I was a little taken aback, in fact it seemed the antithesis to most of the framing concepts I hold dear. I gently challenged this view with my experience and retold a story I had heard the day before.

There was a person, who, through what was thought to be a set of complex issues ended up with regular admissions to an acute inpatient psychiatric ward. The ‘intervention’ that has helped them to move on from this was a phone call. This person had disclosed that they could not get through the fear of going to sleep, they just didn’t feel safe, they felt alone, scared and that the darkness would be overwhelming. Now the phone call was an offer by a local voluntary organisation’s CEO to phone them in the evening and say good night. This *simple* act has been transformational and has since progressed into a community responsibility.

I have retold this story a couple of times today, and each time the person I conversed with has immediately identified with the need for human contact (whether face to face or via text or whatever) when they have been at their most vulnerable.

Anyway, the workshop moved on without a proper response to this, but then we had important money-saving work to do.

By now you might be wondering why this post is called social movement…

In the afternoon I was captivated by Helen Bevan who spoke on the subject of organisation change, with a content and style close to an evangelical charismatic preacher! Let me tell you more…

She focused on the concept of organising and mobilising rather than traditional change management. She said, quoting someone whose name I forgot to write down

You can’t coerce, you have to unleash. You can’t impose anything on anyone and expect them to commit

It’s not about trying to get someone to meet the minimum standards (I couldn’t help but think about expecting people to sign up to a statement of faith) but it is about understanding collective goals that we can all aspire to; having shared values with a sense of purpose, acknowledging that we are in commitment and relationship with each other.

Helen also spoke about values. Having values is one thing, but through our emotions we are able to turn values into action. This can lead to a renewal, and can create a higher purpose based on the values.

What are the values that we hold?

What binds us together?

What makes us better?

We watch an amazing video which I will try to find, and each then wrote, on our hand, a value we think is important. I chose “hope”.

I then listened to something that was music to my ears – we have to tell stories

Telling stories is the most powerful way to make a value an action

A story can give us a shared understanding and this leads us to action

If we want to affect some kind of change, we need to tell stories, well, we need to tell a story, we need to make it personal, we need to be authentic. This will create a sense of ‘us’ and this can build a call to urgent action.

She closed with an awesome George Bernard Shaw quote

This is the true joy of life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can.

Yes, my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can.

Amen to the NHS preacher-lady

*the workshop itself was interesting – we had to think of something to do, for a population we had not identified, without a vision for change… a tough call.

Filed under: philosophy, random, tech and innovation   |  2 Comments

Light and Dark

20May11

If you’ve been following my blog for a while you will know I listen regularly to the Mars Hill Bible Church Podcasts, and have done so for a while. They have just started a series on 1 John.

So far it has been good, interesting and is certainly making me think. This morning as I walked to work, Shane Hipps was teaching about Light and Dark from 1 John 1:5 and the point where I arrived at work and stopped listening, he stated that

Dark is not the opposite of light

He then unpacked this a little, and it set my brain racing… Shane’s argument is darkness is the absence of light, not the opposite. To say it is the opposite puts it on an equal footing, but light and darkness cannot co-exist.

If things are dark, we need to add more light, not try and remove the darkness

If there is confusion, then that is the absence of clarity

If there is conflict, then that is the absence of peace.

If there is hate, then love is absent.

It seems so simple, yet this is really profound, radical even. If I want to see more peace, simply removing the conflict is never going to succeed, but by being a peacemaker I can have a profound effect.If I encounter anger and focus on trying to remove the anger without love (light) then the anger will always have a place to stand.

God is light, and in my opinion, if there are places of darkness in life, it is because God is not there. If God was there, even in the darkest, most broken places, then those places could conspire to a new future, one filled with hope, one filled with light.

grace and peace

Filed under: church, faith, missional, philosophy, tensions   |  Closed

Running Man

03May11

A while back I read Ultramarathon Man. It is a great book, very inspirational, but left me feeling that Dean Karnazes is nuts err, maybe a little OCD. His current “project” is a run across America (find out more here). Well I say a run, 40-50 miles for 75 days in a row…

Last night as I ran I was thinking about Ultramarathon Man, there I was thinking an hour is a long time and he ran for 72-hours, non-stop (a record I believe). Specifically I was thinking about the bit in the book where he describes going running for the first time in about 15 years, his life reached a kind of crisis point and he found some gardening sneakers and runs – with a $20 bill in his shoe in case he needs anything, it was late into the night.

After about 15 miles he sits down by a drive through that looked closed, but realised was open:

My legs throbbing and cramped, my foot mangled, my body covered in a layer of sweat and road grime, I hobbled around the back to the drive-through speaker. I stomped on the cord with my heal. “can I take your order?” a tinny voice asked.

“Oh, yes!” I cried. “To start, I’ll have…” [read the book to find out what he orders!] “Please pay at the window.” [the tinny voice says.]

Digging the crumpled twenty out of my shoe, I strolled joyously to the pick-up window. The girl there didn’t look so happy, however.

“Sir, do you have a vehicle? You cannot order food from a drive through unless you are in a car.”

the debate continues  with dean saying

trying to keep the note of hysteria out of my voice “Let’s just make a quick transaction and we’ll be done with it. No one will ever know.”

“I am sorry, sir, but if we make an exception for you, we’d have to let everyone order from a drive through without a car.”

and she walks away from her window, the story continues with considerable debate, Dean desparate for food and the girl adament that the rules are the rules and cannot be changed. He eventually manages to persuade the next (and only) car to take him through the drive through in return for buying the guy’s late night snack.

Why am I telling you this? Well last night as I ran, it was clear – the things we do socially or theologically (Church?) can be like that; rules, rules and rules, with no flexibility when the need arises.

Some questions for you to ponder

How do we go about changing the view that rules are rules?

If you were starting out on a new project, how would you describe the “rules” so they could be changed as needed?

Filed under: church, missional, philosophy, random, running   |  Closed

Lent reflections

27Apr11

I took this photo at the beginning of a Lenten journey I went on with some friends. Every night we were present in our local pleasure ground, talking, thinking and praying. I didn’t make it every night, but those I did were good.

It was quite hard explaining to people at work that I had not given things up for Lent, rather taken things up!

We were particularly focused on a community project we are involved in Park • Life • Heavitree. One of the tension we have been working through is that while the driving force behind this project are three families that are Christian (in some shape or form*) and lots of Christian friends are interested in the project, we are not doing it to build a church, or even as a platform to evangelise.

The motivation behind the project has emerged through being active users of the Pleasure Ground. We can see the potential benefit for bringing together the community in and around the park through a not-for-profit community café. Our vision is to create a space where people of all backgrounds, ideologies, beliefs or non-beliefs can get a cup of tea or coffee, relax, make new friends and share, because by doing this, we believe we can help the community to grow, to be more resilient and resourceful and help make our little bit of Exeter become an even better place to live.

Trying to find ways to talk about this project, particularly as a follower of Jesus, is hard. The last thing I want is for people to feel tricked or that there is a secret agenda. There is no secret agenda. There is no trickery planned to get park users along to a church. Park • Life • Heavitree is about doing something useful for the pleasure ground and the people who use it. If people want to find out what motivates me (or indeed the rest of the team) then, we will find

ways, to have these conversations. And, I can imagine this being made a lot easier over a cup of coffee! And that is the starting point of our park theology.

On Saturday night, we stood on top of the hill and lit our Lenten lantern (!). Through the previous 45 days we had seen quite a few drift by. There is something about looking into the pleasure ground on a dark night; it looks so dark, yet when you stand in the middle of the darkness, it is actually really light. (Some evenings the pleasure ground was like Piccadilly Circus, but that is another story). We lit the lantern as a symbol of the light that is in the pleasure ground. Just as moths are drawn to a light, so the crowds are drawn to the pleasure ground and the pleasure ground holds all this together like a kind of glue.

So, if you want to stay tuned to out park project make sure you ‘Like’ our Facebook page, and at some point we will have our website sorted out. And if you want to contribute to our ‘park theology’ then please do. We are going to carry on meeting in the pleasure ground once a week.

edit
*point of clarity of the usage of “in some shape or form” and I realise this might be confusing. The point I was trying to make is everyone has an idea what ‘a Christian’ is. So by saying we are Christian might help you to put us in a category and then think that we think a certain way. When people ask me “are you a Christian?” I normally ask them to tell me what they think a Christian is before we go any further… so I used the term “some shape or form” to try and say that we are all in different places on our God journey.

Filed under: church, culture, faith, missional, random, tensions   |  Closed